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  • Abbi

Blessed to be Broken

In this world, there is plenty of brokenness. Everyone has a hurt, a pain that shadows them for the rest of their days. We all have something that haunts us; something that continues to follow us no matter what we do. It can seem small, something you - and others - think will hardly be noticed. Or it can be a big thing that appears like a target on your back.

We might try to brush it off, say it’s nothing. “It won’t hurt anyone who doesn’t know.” “I’ll be fine.” “I’ll just try to forget about it and go on with my life.” “I’ll eventually forget about it.” You can’t be more wrong.

Your brokenness follows you around in your life. It might not appear in your day-to-day life, but sometimes it can. It will all of a sudden pounce on you and make your stomach twist. Guilt and shame will hover over your shoulder and make you wish you had done something different. You’ll try to keep it as hidden as possible. You’ll try to fit in with everyone else. How do I know? Because I’m broken too.

I accepted Christ as my Saviour when I was four years old, and got baptized when I was eight. I grew up going to church every week, I would memorize Bible verses, go to youth retreats. I had friends. But that didn’t keep me from stumbling across something that I shouldn’t have.

I discovered some pretty nasty things online, and it sunk its fangs into me and wouldn’t let go. It drove me to continually look at the internet, and it made me a wreck. Thankfully, my mom found out I had been looking at what I shouldn’t and we did what we could to put a stop to it. But some things you can’t forget.

Over the years, I have tried to forget about what I had seen and read. I tried to continue on with life as though everything was fine, but I’m not. I regret what I found. I wasn’t even ten years old when I slipped up. Shame always fills me when even the merest thought about it comes back. It bugs me. It makes me sick at night.

I don’t know how many times I’ve cried about it. My innocence was lost, and there is no getting it back. I’ve dishonored people because of it, people I know here and now, and people I’ll know in the future. It’s ugly, sin.

I’ve tried to move on with my life, to serve God in any way I can. But still, that sneaking feeling of horror catches me at unawares. At times it feels like there’s no escaping the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of being unwhole. Even after asking God to forgive me and repenting of my sins, there is still that hovering.

After a frustrating day and even more frustrating trains of thought, I came across a verse in the Bible.


“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”

~Proverbs 18:13 NKJV


To make it simple, he who tries to hide his sins and shame will not thrive; but whoever acknowledges their sins and guilt and renounces it will receive compassion and forgiveness where severity is expected or deserved.

When I read this verse, I was stunned. I had been struggling over the years trying to move beyond the guilt to no avail. I had begged for God’s forgiveness after I would stumble and get back up only to stumble again later on. And then I read this.

Because of the evil in this world, God desires for us to come to Him and become His children. His Son, Jesus Christ, sacrificed in order to atone for our sins. Every single person. But that doesn’t mean the journey won’t get rough. There will be many obstacles in our walk with Christ. Satan will try to slip us up and make us feel terrible. I know because it’s happened to me.

But God is a God of forgiveness, and no matter what you’ve done, He will always forgive you. He loves you so much, and will welcome you in with open arms!

Now, before you try to say to me, “yeah this is great; but how do I know God will forgive me?” Listen to this: God used Rahab, a prostitute, in His great plan in the book of Joshua, and she and her family came to know Jesus Christ. God redeemed Saul who had killed so many early Christians and became known as the apostle Paul.

The Bible is full of stories of redemption. God used their brokenness to accomplish a greater work!

I don’t know what God has in store for me. I don’t know how my own brokenness will serve in His master plan, but I know that He has something in store for me. I just need to be faithful to His will and remain focused on Him. And God has something great in store for you too!

The guilt and brokenness are still there. I still regret what I’ve done. The road still gets rough; there is no promise of an easy journey. But God is faithful. He takes our brokenness and makes something beautiful with it.

Sometimes I’ve wondered if I should be re-baptized because of all the regrets and shame I have from wrongs I’ve committed. But God is faithful, and my brokenness is my testimony that God is good. God is faithful. He is great. And I am forgiven.

I'm blessed to be broken because my brokenness will be used by God to reach out to others. My brokenness has been redeemed by the Only One Who could ever heal me. He has a plan for me.

And He has a plan for you. Give Him your regrets and brokenness, and He will give you life and heal you.





Hey! I’m Abbi, and I’m a history geek who enjoys anything that has to do with books, writing, languages, and music. I’m so blessed to have my Saviour, Jesus Christ in my life, and the Phillips sisters who continue to bless and encourage me.

When I’m not writing stories or reading books, I can be found hanging out with my family while trying to *ahem* NOT read. (It can be a challenge to pull me away from the written word!) Since I can’t come up with a few of my favorite books since it will just become an impossibly long list, I’ll share other things I like: the color green, the autumn season, hanging out with friends and family, and playing music (whether playlists and albums or on my mandolin. And don’t get me started on genres!


Blessings to you all, and thank you Sisters Three for having me!

Abbi R. B

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